Johnny Carson's Posthumous Monologues
"Channeled" by Jake Novak Jake's Comedy Corner


"I've actually had a very unpeaceful few days here in Heaven lately. I thought that after I died, nobody would get the personal phone number I gave Paris Hilton.

So it looks like Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are going to have a civil marriage ceremony instead of a religious wedding where they would be married in the "eyes of God." But that's okay because Charles and Camilla are so ugly even God doesn't want to look at them.

Now there's a big deal over the fact that Queen Elizabeth isn't going to the ceremony. I think it's just because the Yankees-Red Sox game is on satellite that day.

There's a new survey of corporate executives that names Dell Computer as the most admired company in America. Business people love Dell's management philosophy, productivity, and how it showed them all how easy it is to ship all the good jobs to India.

And finally, the National Institutes of Health has cleared 80% of its doctors who were suspected of secret deals with pharmaceutical companies. It turns out the researchers couldn't have made any hidden agreements with the drug companies because they already had secret deals with the insurance companies.