"I'm not sure who we have to pay to get people to come to this Web site. But hopefully we can save some time and it'll be the same person we want to pay to keep Chris Rock from hosting the Oscars again!

So the Supreme Court is hearing arguments today on whether it's okay to put the 10 Commandments in government buildings. But I think this case represents a conflict of interest because most of the justices were actually there when the 10 Commandments were first given 4000 years ago.

Of course it's useless to display the 10 Commandments in government buildings because most politicians won't follow the commandment against adultery unless it specifically mentions interns.

Some good news in the Middle East... I think. Syria is promising to withdraw its troops from Lebanon. They just have to figure out what to do with those 30,000 soldiers currently manning the occupation. You know, usually when Syria needs to reduce the size of its armed forces in a hurry, it just declares war on Israel.

So two top officers at Martha Stewart Living have resigned just as Martha is about to get out of prison. You know, the highly-paid executives can afford to quit; the rest of Martha's employees can only prepare for her return by stocking up on helmets and anti-depressants.

Did you know that in the 5 months since Martha Stewart went to jail, her company's stock price has almost tripled? I know it seems crazy for a company to do better when its leader is behind bars, but just think how much the U.S. economy would improve if we put President Bush in prison!

Aeronautics entrepreneur Walter Anderson has been charged with cheating his way out of paying a record $200 million in personal income taxes. Experts say Anderson will definitely get prison time, fines, and the Republican party's nomination for President in 2008.

The Justice Department is looking into whether Halliburton executives rigged bids for construction projects by conspiring with other companies. And by 'other companies' I think they mean the White House, the Pentagon, and the Vice President's office.

And finally in sports, critics are demanding that Temple University basketball coach John Chaney resign after he admitted to sending a player into a game just to break an opponent's arm. Chaney may be finished in college basketball, but he has a future as a prison commander in Iraq.

See you tomorrow folks!"