"So I guess the big news is this accidental shooting of an Italian journalist in Iraq. Some Europeans say the amry deliberately targeted this woman, but the Pentagon is strongly denying that, reminding everyone they only have a directive to shoot CNN journalists.

But seriously, this is something the news organizations here in the States are looking into. Well, except for FOX News, they're just bragging about how great it is that U.S. soldiers can hit a moving target from a few hundred yards away!

Also in Iraq, CNN has just obtained new pictures of the most-wanted terrorist over there, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Well, they actually had the pictures Friday, but they had to show America the more important pictures of Martha Stewart petting her horses first.

Boy the Martha coverage really is getting out of hand. I even hear that the Feds aren't going to give her that ankle bracelet monitor because they can track her every move simply by watching cable news!

But you have to give Martha credit. She's a hard worker. She rushed to her offices yesterday and promised everyone to keep the company stock prices high by committing three felonies a year for the next five fiscal years alone.

Martha isn't the only person making business news. The CEO of Boeing has been ousted for having an affair with another Boeing employee. Apparently in the airline industry, it's only okay to screw your customers.

There's more Social Security stuff in the news. Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel wants to boost the age when retirees can get Social Security benefits from 67 to 68, saying people are living and working longer. But actually, the only people over 68 in America with a decent job are members of the U.S. Senate.

Meanwhile, the Senate voted down a Democratic proposal to raise the minimum wage for the first time since 1996. Republicans say it's hypocritical to improve wages for lower class Americans while they're working so hard to eliminate Social Security benefits for middle class Americans.

Of course, it's not like the Republicans don't offer lots of people a chance to raise themselves out of poverty. In fact, you're always free to call the White House and tell them you're an aspiring right wing radio host.

And finally, Archaeologists have completed their new studies of King Tut's mummy and they say that he probably died of an infection that wasn't treated in time. That's because in ancient times it took even longer to transport those cheaper prescription drugs from Canada.

Speak to you folks tomorrow!"